I Can't Pick
by JRastelliAuthor
Summary: A/U one shot or novella, depending on reviews. Stephanie can't pick a man, even though she's got two.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I can leave this as is, a one shot, or I can continue it depending on reviews. I know have a lot going right now, and nothing's #1 on my list, although the novella Im currently in the process of publishing via Amazon, B &N, and other retailers does need to be finished for publication soon. My PPD hit me hard and so far Plum has been the only thing to really alleviate it, both reading and writing it. But the PPD has made me so scatter brained and my thoughts are bouncing from place to place to place, so I started all these different things. Sorry guys, it just helps me, and your reviews do, too! I should have a chapter for both DKL and FFHB soon, my kids all got their shots yesterday and I couldn't finish what I'd started on them - one was whining the entire day his legs hurt, one was projectile vomiting, and the third was screaming for hours and hours and hours on end. Help me Jesus! Anyways, without further ado, here is some more of my crazy mind. **

**P.s. This is so far removed from canon it's not even funny.**

Since I was nineteen I had been in an on Again off again relationship with two guys. One was Army, one was Navy, and both ran special ops. I wasn't privy to any of their mission information, and I honestly didn't care. If one of them was there, I was with them until the other showed up. If they were both there, well, I didn't discriminate. I'd be in one guys bed one night and the other guys the next night. Some nights I'd been with both within a few hours of each other.

I guess you could say I was a slut, but I liked to think of it more as I had an open relationship with two guys. I loved them both, but I don't know that I was in love with either of them, and I was okay with that. I was sure they weren't celibate while they were away, whether it be a special op or a normal deployment. Guys just weren't built that way, and neither was I, although I didn't hop into the bed of any other guy while they were both gone. Two was enough.

They both knew about each other and we were okay with the way our relationship was going for over seven years. But when I was twenty six, suddenly, things changed. Both guys left the service and both started to pressure me into considering more. They were talking marriage and commitment and real, true love.

I understandably panicked and ran.

I think they knew where I was the entire time, but they both left me alone to sort out my thoughts. I had a lot of things to think about, and then, while I was thinking, I found out I was pregnant.

I had slept with them both during the time I likely conceived, and I had no idea who the father was, or even if I wanted to keep the baby.

At the end of the day, I told them both the predicament I was in. I had been on birth control, yes, but it had obviously failed. Making love with two extremely virile men at the same time, for seven years, I shouldn't have been all that surprised. It was bound to happen eventually.

I just had no idea what I was going to do, and I still had no clue who to choose, so I told them both I was done.

With cocky smirks on their faces, they both said a simple okay and walked out the door.

What was I going to do with my life now?

And why did I get the feeling that neither of them was going to walk away?


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to go ahead and just keep adding to this. If it generates positive reviews, or gathers interest, I'll keep it. If not, no biggie.**

Both guys I was with are alpha males, but if I had to pick one that was more alpha I'd say my Army guy. His name was Carlos, but he now went by Ranger for obvious reasons. He was deadly, and he had the ability to be calm in any and every situation. Didn't matter how furious he was, you only saw the calm. He didn't speak much, so when he did it held more weight. I'd had the pleasure of watching his evolution from man to manlier man. He didn't used to be this closed off, and he was still less closed off with me than he was with others.

My "beta" alpha man was Joe Morelli. I'd been with him since I was in high school, but again, on and off. He couldn't commit, and neither could I. He represented home to me, although I still lived fairly close to where I had growing up, I hadn't been back. I was too different for my town, and I refused to deal with the censure and judgment of the old biddies who lived where I did. He was all flailing Italian arms and barely contained rage when he got mad, but when he wasn't angry he was a fairly down to earth homebody type of guy.

Joe was ball games and beer, and Carlos was symphonies and sex clubs.

Joe and Carlos had both been stationed out of Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst for almost the entirety of their careers, minus deployments. I'd stuck close by there, partially because of my job, and partially because they were there. I'm not saying I would have followed either of them if they'd been moved elsewhere, but I'm glad they hadn't been.

I worked from home, doing portrait photography. The only thing was, all the portraits were of me, and many of them were more like boudoir shots. Basically, I did home modeling, and my images were sold to magazines across the world. You couldn't tell who I was from the photos, because my face was always cleverly covered, or obscured. I made more money than I had any right to, and I didn't have to leave my house. One of my photos was used as an advertisement for a local bookstore. It was a picture of me laying in a white fur sling chair, with my legs thrown over the top, and my hair trailing on the floor, a book in front of my face. It was a local authors first novel, and it generated a ton of business for both the bookstore and the author. It was black and white, except the cover, and the red of my panties and tank top.

I figured I probably wouldn't be doing a lot of those any longer because I was having a baby.

I was chilling in my loft apartment when it dawned on me for real that I was going to have a baby, and at this point I'd be going it alone. I wasn't going to pursue a relationship with Joe or Carlos, mostly because I didn't want one, but also because I had no idea who's baby I was carrying. That wasn't fair to either of them.

I would also probably have to leave my loft. There were no safe ways to raise a baby here. The loft was all sleek lines, and granite and hardwood. The stairs were those hovering stairs with no support and huge gaps between each step. I couldn't have a baby in this place, not once they became mobile.

I sat there thinking of all the changes I'd have to make when a key tumbled the lock to my front door.

Carlos and Joe both walked in, carrying duffle bags with them. What the heck was this now?

I raised a brow at them and Joe grinned.

"We're moving in until we can figure this out. We're going to split the sectional, so don't worry about that."

Uhm hello, again I say, what is this now?


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: not mine but JE's**

"You can't just tell someone you're going to move in with them. That's not how the world works, guys," I tried to be levelheaded and patient.

I really wanted to flip my lid.

"Sure you can. We just did," Joe glibly replied.

Carlos just shook his head.

"I had planned on asking if it was okay if I crashed here until I could find a new place to live since I can no longer stay on base and the lease I signed fell through. This fool heard my lease fell through and decided to take advantage of the fact I was going to ask. If you're really uncomfortable with me staying here, I'll go to a hotel, but I'd prefer not to waste money if I don't have to," he told me.

That was better. I motioned for him to continue, and he exchanged a look with Joe, like see?

"Babe, is it okay if I crash on your couch until I can find a place to live?"

"Sure Carlos, that's fine. You don't even need to bother with the couch. Don't think this means we're in a relationship, though," I cautioned him.

Oh look, there goes the Italian temper. Joe turned an unnatural shade of purple, and I looked pointedly at him. They'd both known me long enough to know I hated being railroaded, and having decisions made for me. Joe especially. I held up a hand a to ward off the bitchfest he was about to start.

"Listen, Morelli. Just because I'm pregnant and you're both home doesn't mean I want anything to change. You can both actively want a relationship, but if I don't want one, it's not happening. You know me well enough to know that. You should also know that the right way to approach this was to ask. So for right now, my couch isn't available to you. When you can act like a respectful man and not a Neanderthal making decisions for little woman we will talk again. You can stay for dinner, but then I want you out."

He decided not to even stay for dinner, and left. Fine by me.

"So, handsome, you want to eat dinner, or you want to eat me, first?"

Carlos grinned at me wickedly and dragged me to my bed.

That's what I thought.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: not mine still**

I had my first visit with the doctor about two weeks after Ranger moved in. He and Joe had both requested a DNA test asap so that we could evaluate as a team what the best option was for all of us. Until then we had reached an impasse on the whole relationship issue. I still didn't know why it couldn't continue as it was, and every time I brought it up to one of them, they got tight lipped and close mouthed.

I'd gone to see Joe at his new apartment last week, and he apologized for trying to just insert himself into my life and my home without asking. I apologized for being a royal bitch and for throwing Carlos in his face. He took me to bed after, and I stayed the night.

I did the walk of shame into my own apartment the next day, and the look of disappointment that Carlos shot me was hard to fathom. I told him I wasn't doing the relationship thing, and I didn't know why either of them couldn't accept that. I wasn't property, and if I wanted to sleep with another guy it wasn't their business. At least, that's how I figured it.

At the doctors, they opted to do a CVS which was an invasive procedure I was not fond of. I preferred to wait, but both Joe and Ranger were serious about knowing as soon as possible. I had just entered the window where they could do the CVS and I was nervous. I hadn't thought I was eleven weeks pregnant, but apparently I was. It still didn't narrow down the paternity options.

We went back two weeks later, when I was thirteen weeks, and got the shock of our lives.

"A what now?" Joe asked the doctor, stupefied.

"A superfecundation pregnancy. Basically, you both managed to fertilize one of Ms. Plum's eggs. There are two babies. One has been fathered by Mr. Manoso, and one by you, Mr. Morelli."

Ranger was speechless. His mouth was gaping open like a fish, and I didn't seem to have words myself.

"How come you didn't notice there were two the first ultrasound, while you did the test?" I asked.

"Sometimes they hide behind each other, and that was the case then. I'm sorry, I know this wasn't the conclusive news you were hoping for."

Damn right it wasn't. It made an already tense and difficult situation ten times more tense and difficult.

When we left the office we were all still in shock, but as we pulled up to the loft, Ranger turned to me and said very seriously, "We need to talk, Stephanie. All of us."

Aw shit.


	5. Chapter 5

**FF Readers- thanks for reading and reviewing! Please send me some ideas of how they should hand,e the parenting situation if you could, so I have different ideas and opinions than just my own! TIA!**

The talk we had was anything but comfortable. In fact, it was so uncomfortable, I stormed off and locked my door. I knew they could both pick the lock, but I didn't give a damn. I needed to calm down, and I needed space to think.

"What do you think is going to happen when they're older and they start asking why mommy is sleeping in Daddy's bed one night, and the other guys the next?"

"You need to pick one of us or neither of us, but stop stringing us along."

"How do you plan to parent two kids with three people who are all biological parents?"

"You're going to be a mom, you need to start thinking like one. The way you're acting is incredibly selfish. Think about that. You're hurting four people now, by your convoluted thought processes, and you need to consider all the outcomes."

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to give up either guy, but clearly that was "selfish" of me. I decided to try to be the adult they clearly didn't think I was capable of. I went back out and sat across from them on the couch. I slammed two pads of paper and some pens on the table in front of them.

"Write down why you want to be in a relationship with me, and at least two ideas of what we can do to resolve this insane parenting situation. I'll do the same for each of you in regards to the relationship."

I went back off to the bedroom and started my lists. It was easier than I thought, and I was done well before them. There were great things about both guys and it dawned on me why it had been so difficult to make a decision. Not only did I love them both, but they were equally great guys in different ways.

And they were right, I did need to make a decision. I did have someone else, two someone else's, to think about. It wasn't all about me anymore. It never really had been, I was just too oblivious to notice.


	6. Chapter 6

**Still not mine**

When I went back out, both guys had finished their lists. I sat across from them, holding my hands out for the lists they'd written. I was surprised by some of the things written on them, and hurt by others, but I promised myself I'd relax and deal with it.

Joes list was written out easily

Reasons he wanted to be with me: he loved me, couldn't picture his life without me, the sex was great, and we'd known each other forever.

The parenting issue? Get rid of Ranger and his baby, and raise our baby together, or do it on my own with no help from Joe for anyone.

Rangers lists were both more in depth, and I appreciated that, since Joes list didn't exactly endear me to him.

Reasons he wanted to be with me: he loved me more than he thought possible, I brought light into his otherwise dark world, I was sweet and funny, and I didn't see the bad things he'd done, just the man underneath.

He had put three parenting options: raise both children either coparenting with Morelli, or without Morelli at all – that was up to Morelli, split custody of the children between Morelli and I, and Ranger and I, or – if I couldn't get my act together – Ranger would take his child, because right now I was not very likeable.

That hurt. A lot, not even going to lie.

My list for the guys, of the pros of being with either one? Morelli there weren't many. Great sex, but otherwise he was domineering and controlling to a point that I couldn't live with. He could cook, and he tended to be pretty tidy. That's sad, that after all these years, that was the only good thing I could think of for him.

Carlos had many more positives. He loved me, he never tried to change me – until recently, and I did understand why he was trying to change me now. He could cook and clean, he provided well, he always made sure my needs were met, he was considerate at all times, even when he was away. He wasn't asking me to discriminate against Morelli's kid, although I only just added that after reading his list.

I hadn't had many things to think about, parenting wise. I knew whatever decision I made romantically would more than likely decide how the parenting situation would go. That is to say, if I chose Joe he'd insist on being there 24/7 and if I chose Carlos, same deal. However, Carlos was right, I did need to grow up a bit.

I wouldn't keep Joe from his kid. I'd never expect either of these guys to walk away and they shouldn't expect the other to either.

"I think I know what I want to do," I told them both.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: not mine but JE**

 **A/N: please vote in the poll on my profile as to what you'd like to continue seeing**

They were giving me patient looks, and I was a little apprehensive. One of them was going to hate everything about what I was going to say.

"Well. After really thinking about it, I think that maybe I want to pursue a relationship with Carlos. I don't want to resume sleeping together right now, however, I'd like to try an actual relationship. And for parenting, well, I like Carlos' suggestion of coparenting the children together. All three of us."

As I figured, Joe lost his mind at that. He didn't want Carlos near his kid, and how dare I not pick us and our history. Carlos sat back patiently and waited for Joe to finish losing his mind.

"I think that is a wise choice, babe. Even if you weren't picking me, I think that making the decision to be in a relationship without the physical aspect is important."

So that's what we did. We decided to relearn each other. We spent the next 5 weeks dating each other, with no more than a kiss goodnight at the door. It was hell, especially with my pregnancy hormones. I wanted sex all the time, and my shower massager was getting quite the work out. By the time we had to go back for the next check up, I thought for sure I'd die from being sexually unsatisfied.

Joe met us at the doctors, and we went through the usual routine of urine, vitals, and questioning before the doctor had us go back for an ultrasound.

"Due to the nature of this pregnancy we are going to be doing a regular anatomy scan and then following it up with a 3D/4D ultrasound. Hopefully there will be some identifying features so we can pinpoint which baby is Mr. Morelli's and Mr. Manoso's."

They squeezed the goop on my tummy and used the wand to start orienting themselves. They scanned over their heads and took measurements and then asked if we wanted to know genders. We all did, and she slid the wand back over both babies.

"This makes it easy for you. One baby is a girl, and one is a boy. Let's switch this machine over to 3D so we can get an idea of who's baby is who."

They scanned over the faces of both babies and the boy very definitely had Joe's nose. Both of my guys had big smiles on their faces and we all left with copies of the images of the babies


	8. UpdateTest

**This is not a chapter. Chapter five is a chapter of Alternative Eighteen and that's real. This Is a test. I posted chapter five last night and never got the email for it myself. It was up on the site but there's no email in my inbox saying it posted. Not the first, second or third time I posted it. This is to see if it'll update on here.**

 **If you're seeing this on a different fic, I will be updating one of them hopefully soon with a real chapter. Between plumbing problems and preschool registration this week and going on vacation this weekend I'm not sure when I'll write next but I do hope to put something out soon!**

 **Love and light y'all.**


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